You try and try yet you can’t keep a guy. Sorry about the rhyme but I couldn’t resist. It’s so frustrating, isn’t it? This is a situation many ponder but don’t know how to fix. Let’s see what we can do to push you forward, get you thinking about what needs to be done, and work on rectifying this nightmare once and for all.
1. You Don’t Find Yourself Delightful
“Yes I do.” “No You Don’t.” We can debate this all day but if you did, the men would be there. One thing I’ve learned from watching successful couples over the years, and reflecting upon my own former disastrous experiences, is that if you don’t TRULY enjoy who you are, the right guy does not show up.
I always wondered why some women, who I may not consider very attractive, get great guys. The answer is simple—they feel good about themselves. Whether they were born with high self-esteem, people told them they were good, or figured it out themselves, they accomplished a huge feat. They like who they are. And they reap the benefits of that self-love because all kinds of good things happen in their lives. Self-esteem is everything and if you don’t have it, you need to get it.
You’ll have to go within yourself to capture this pot of gold. How you do that is up to you. Perhaps counseling, helpful reading materials, self-exploration or all three are in order. Either way, once you take the time to deal with it, you can begin to thrive in the relationship department.
2. The Wrong Guy Is There
You know you can get a guy—but what kind of guy is the right guy? Deep down, you know the answer but sometimes we put up with garbage because we think we deserve it, or we block out the right one in the name of love or not wanting to be lonely in the moment.
Get rid of these men in your life! You’re wasting your time and so are they. I know that’s easier said than done but maybe you’re reading this at just the right time to do something about it. Do things you love that uplift you instead of spending time with Mr. Never Going To Happen.
3. Your Self-Talk is Disturbing
What do you say to yourself all day long? Pay attention to how you treat yourself inside your head. Often we are calling ourselves names like “dummy”, “stupid” and saying negative stuff like “I can’t believe you did that you idiot.”
Even though you only hear you, these thoughts come through you and show to outside world as a sad, bad or negative attitude. No great guy wants any part of that.
Catch your internal dialogue and back off. Lighten up and replace this unhelpful talk with some forgiveness and kinder words. Remember, you’re human and you’re not capable of being perfect, nobody is.
4. Your Tribe Gets In The Way
You have friends and that’s great. You need to decide whether these people are helping or hindering your romantic life. Think about the following questions:
- Do you focus on your tribe to avoid dealing with relationships?
- Does your tribe encourage you to find a partner that’s best for you?
- Do these people lift you up or bring you down?
On some level, your friends represent you. After all, you get to choose them, unlike family. Allow people into your life who think you’re terrific, love you and have your best interests at heart. Maybe they’ll even help you find your beloved.
5. You’re Closed Off
You may or may not know this but you are pushing the right guy away because of some past bad experience. You were hurt, in a deep way. He had issues, he paid no attention, he didn’t care, he slept with someone else. All life lessons that can blow us back so far, we just shut down.
It’s ok to take some time and re-group. As a matter of fact, it’s good for you. But when you hide away for too long, it’s harder to come back. Take a deep breath and get out there and try again. Sure you could get hurt, but you’ll be OK. He’ll be worth it.
6. You Aren’t Paying Attention
You’re just fluttering through life a butterfly floating in the wind. That actually doesn’t sound too bad; however, are you conscious of what’s happening to you and around you. Might there be a great person who wants to be your love and you don’t give him the time of day, or you put him directly into the friend zone? Take a second and step back—maybe this guy is sweet, kind and lives to make you happy. If you even think you could remotely be attracted to him, this is a guy you need to explore. Go for it girl—he could be the love of your life!
7. You’re Too Busy
We’re all so busy, aren’t we? Like being busy is some kind of badge of honor. Please—it’s so over-rated. I know you have goals and responsibilities but you MUST have downtime. Your brain needs time to rest. From Psychology Today, Dr. Barton Goldsmith says, “The idea is to give your body, mind, and heart a chance to relax and recharge. If you keep going at full speed every day, it can be really hard on you, both physically and mentally. We were not designed to go 24/7/365 (even though that’s become a popular modern-day mantra).”
Of course you’re busy, but is it worth missing out on Mr. Right?
Is this your time to stop pushing great men away and allow a beautiful relationship to manifest? As always, that’s up to you. But imagine a beautiful life with a person that thinks you make the world go around. Most people want that, and you do too. You just need to realize that you actually deserve it.
Lori Peters, MS in Counseling, is a radio show host, writer, and speaker in relationship happiness. Check out her blog, services, and sign up for her FREE newsletter. You can find all of Lori’s happiness information in one location by clicking here.